NAPPING: Auditions

Wednesday January 12 2011

I haven’t felt this scared since … I don’t know, nothing got me this apprehensive. EVER. Trust me there’s been a lot but nothing matches this. Perhaps its what’s at stake. Music has been such an integral part of my being however, I have never been evaluated for my skills and THIS was terrifying. What if I fail? In the one thing that defines the word passion for me, what if I’m not good enough? My upset stomach reminded me of O levels final exams, my nausea, that of Montessori mornings. Of all the times in the world I had to have congestion and sound like a generator that day. I couldn’t believe it. Singing (and I honestly don’t care if I’m good or bad) completes me. It is the only thing that relaxes me in the worst of situations, the only feeling I fail to describe is that of singing. It strengthens my belief in spirituality.

I tiptoed into the room. At least 5 people. I was too dazed to remember how many people there were. I felt as if my knees were made out of jell-o. Went there. Sat down. This is what it feels to have all you’ve got on the line. Perhaps people who pursue careers of their choice experience this every milestone on their way. For the first time in my life I was thankful to everything mightier to have me excelling in a field I never gave a rat’s ass about. What are your favourite singers. Name a classical singer. What do you know about them? Can you sing a song by them? The array of questions flabbergasted me and I forgot Habib Wali Muhammad. I saw Arshad Mehmood and all I could say was Nayyara Noor and Tina Sani. Brain wiped clean. How could I be doing this. Not that I don’t like the two I mentioned. I love them but there were so many? Mukesh, Noor Jehan, Habib Wali Muhammad, Alamgir, K L Sehgal, not necessarily in this specific order but hey, give me a break! I can’t write another word. I’m done.