Wednesday January 26 2011
Dhaa for Dhorajee
Since the day these classes began they have been forbidding us from having cold, sour things to eat. Also rice is to be avoided. I live on these three. Especially when forbidden. The dhorajee plan that simply doesn’t seem to materialize was brought to a sudden end when we did Dhaa. The La note really kicks it out of your stomach man! Never had I thought it’ll be such a struggle to hold a note. Thanks to all the chaawal and achaar devouring, my voice started cracking. Goodness me, WHY? This is something I cannot deal with. MY voice cracking what the? I have control! Where did it all go. Seems like it’s a long way to go.
My classmates are. Well. I’d like to see through them. They’re depressing. I don’t want to get to know them. I’m not being snobbish I’m just not in the mood to put in any effort to know newer people where differences are so vast. I doubt if we have anything in common except the need to learn music. Should that not be enough? I guess it isn’t for now. They certainly don’t seem as passionate about the entire thing as one ought to. I am trying not to judge and block it out but I feel mean not mingling with them. Bhaee nahi hoga na mujhse. Don’t make me do stuff please. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone coexisting with them I’m sure they’ll hate me too. Promise. Ohh did I say “too” I don’t hate them! Or Anyone! Disclaimer Disclaimer! I just don’t want to have anything to do with them unless they really prove their commitment to music which is perhaps the only common thing we’ll ever have. Do I sound like a prude? I’m not a prude. I’m just. I like clean environments and crass people certainly don’t earn any brownie points. Tameez laazim hai. I don’t enjoy faaltuu jokes unless I’m with old friends that have a saner side and we are all high on life and other stuff.
I’m realizing through my NAPA journey, I’m a bit stuck up. I don’t necessarily want to change that about myself. I don’t want to be mean to anybody but I do want to decide. Things. Just general things. Like being able to hate when they disrespect an instrument or joke about a teacher. What the? You’re here to learn. Shutup and learn. This nation needs some serious growing up.
I think the high note just gave me an upset stomach. Oh Brother.
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